RANSVESTIA

Carmel's coats got plenty of use now that the weather became nippy. Mother had bought me a beautiful raincoat with a cute hood and a tight belt. Another time, she made me go to the beauty salon and for the first time had my hair done. It had grown to my shoulders and the attendant told me what beautiful hair I had. I blushed deep- ly. Imagine... a boy having beautiful hair. I came away with a real pretty pageboy, with bangs flipping out on both sides of my face, giving my hair a thick, healthy look and framing my face femininely.

Afterward I was alone in my room, admiring myself in front of the mirror. I was... I could not be... annoyed at the real pretty girl I saw reflected, with a tiny waist, plenty of curves, shapely legs, and a soft face. A sort of inner calm came over me that day. Maybe it was more acceptance of myself... as a girl... or as a whatever... who knows. I was so confused, uncertain, in turmoil. I did not know what to think any more.

...

At school I had begun to accept the ogling of the boys as unavoid- able and I giggled with the girls about their sheepy stares, discussing them and making fun of them.

In December there was plenty of excitement amongst the girls about the junior prom. I learned first-hand, the schemes and machina- tions that went on to get a date. It annoyed me that the girls had to wait to be asked. I seemed to get infected with their hopes and worries and found myself wondering whether I would be asked by a boy.

It occurred on the way home from school, thinking about what the girls had said. I blushed deeply when I found myself hoping to be asked. Just like them. And for the first time, being on the other side, I realized how important it was to them, to get a date for the prom. How do you suppose I felt, when I was one of the first to be invited. He was a tall boy named Peter. One of the best students and terribly good-looking. I knew that many of the girls were after him. He was a good athlete, strong, and always seemed to be the leader.

When I realized how really pleased I was, having been chosen by him, I blushed like a rose. What in heaven's name was happening to me? Had I been changed that much? Had I begun to think like a real girl?

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